New Year, Better Me

Hello my lovelies,

And a very, very late Happy New Year to you all. I honestly hope that 2016 brings you all you hope it will.

I really don’t buy into the whole “New Year, New Me” malarkey (though I understand the sentiment) because if you’re reinventing yourself completely every year, what’s the point of the previous year, and all that it has taught you? Instead, I prefer the idea of “New Year, Better Me” – using the lessons of the year before, and the things you’ve discovered about yourself to develop as a person, and grow, rather than starting again from scratch.

In the spirit of this kind of growth and personal development, I thought I’d share my goals and resolutions for 2016 with you, a mixture of big and more trivial things.

1. Drink more water. I have this weird thing where I don’t get thirsty, and this usually means that I don’t bother to drink – I’m pretty much a camel. This can’t be good for my body, skin or brain function, so this year I’m aiming to down a load more of the stuff.
2. Read more. I’ve always loved reading: it makes me happy, calms me down, and gives me a place to escape to when things get too much. In short, it makes me a better person. But last year, I feel like my reading got rather neglected, in the face of a lot more work, and a lot more time wasted on the internet. So for 2016, I’m really going to try and bring books back into my life, properly.
3. Run more often. As above, running makes me happier, calmer and gives me a chance to sort things out in my head, and think things over. The rhythm of my feet helps me to block other things out, and properly get into my brain – it’s very therapeutic. Being the lazy procrastinator I am, however, has led to many fewer runs than I’d like, and this is going to change. I’m going to try and get out (no matter how long for) and pound the pavements at least once a week.
4. Live for me. This is a rather more general goal than the others, and one I really do need to work for. I have the tendency to edit my actions, speech and the opportunities I take because of what I think other people want or think of me. I need to learn to disregard others (in the nicest way possible) and live life for me, doing what I want, regardless of what that means people will think of me. It’s my life, and I don’t want to look back on this period in 10 years time, and regret the fact that self-consciousness stopped me from doing things that are important to me.
5. Practice yoga more often. I really struggle with stress, and so a lot of these resolutions are aimed towards bringing more calm and peace into my life. I go to a yoga class once a week, but I’d like to bring it home more as well, just for a few minutes, as often as possible. It works magic on my state of mind.
6. Blog more. Blogging this year, has been much too sporadic, and whilst I’m never going to be the type who posts every day (mine just isn’t that kind of blog) this year I’m aiming for a solid two posts a week. This will give some kind of regularity to my blog, but not be too suffocating or pressurised.
7. Reach 500 followers. This would be an absolute dream for me, though the quality of my content is much more important to me than my numbers. I’m currently at about 217, so I think it is just about achievable, but still a long, long way off.
8. Cut down on mindless internet usage. I’m on my phone way too often, and it takes me away from other things, that would ultimately bring me more happiness, and a calmer outlook on life. Watching endless videos, spending too long on social media, and pointless internet browsing are all going to be left in 2015. Of course there’s nothing wrong with a bit of Instagram and Snapchat, and I’ll obviously still be on WordPress, but wasting time and procrastinating online has got to stop. I have a life to live, for goodness sake!
9. See things through other people’s eyes. Before I speak, judge or do things, I’m going to try and consider things from other people’s shoes. Before I get annoyed with my mum nagging, remember that she’s trying to help, and she honestly cares for me. Before I pass someone off as boring, consider that they could be shy. Before I laugh at a joke at someone else’s expense, think whether they’ll see it as a joke too, or if it’ll hurt.
10. Love myself. This year, I’m going to stay positive, and cut out the self-hate. It’s the most important thing of all. Because what’s the point of empty self-loathing? Embrace what’s good about yourself, and if there are people getting in the way of that, then cut them out of your life too! Simple as. A positive mindset is all you need to be happy, ultimately. I need to give myself a break.

So, that’s how I’m going to become a better version of myself this year. What about you? Why not note down 10 things you’re going to try and improve, whether they’re big, or tiny. Or alternatively, let me know with a comment down below.

Lots of love, and the good luck for the year ahead.

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Reflections on 2015

Hello my lovelies,

So. It’s almost time for a new year, and that means saying goodbye to the previous one. 2015 is almost over – feels such a strange thing to be saying! Like every year, I can’t imagine how I’ll ever get used to it being 2016, though I know (like every year) I will. But before I start looking forward, I think I need to look back a little, and reflect on the past year, before it totally runs out. In some ways, maybe moving on, and thinking about the future is a better idea, but for me personally, I think it’s important to give a little thought to how I’ve spent the last 12 months, and take some lessons from 2015 forward into 2016 with me.

2015 has been a weird mixture; a slightly dodgy cocktail of ups and downs, excitement and disappointment, pride and self-loathing. But I guess that’s like every year. There’ve been so many great moments this year – I went to my first proper gig, I started this blog, I managed to get through my Grade 7 Clarinet exam without a panic attack – and for that I will be eternally grateful. I’ve shown that I can work at something, be committed, and overcome challenges I’ve faced. I also have the memories of countless days spent with friends in hysterics, of family holidays where everything just seems perfect, of achievements on my blog and in real life, and these are the kind of things that make a year successful. To me, success can only be measured by how happy you are, how many times you’ve smiled, and this year has definitely had it’s fair share of smiles.

But I’d be lying if I left it at that – there’s a flip side to everything, and if I don’t acknowledge mine, there’d be no point to this post; I wouldn’t be reflecting honestly. Because this year is the year a lot of things hit me: stress, self loathing, insecurity. I’ve had days where I just hate my life, and wish I could rewrite it all, and I’ve had times when it’s just all too much. Sometimes, a throwaway comment hits me like a bus, and makes me start to question everything about myself, and doubt whether I’m really worth anything at all. Insecurities that I previously didn’t even know I had have come out with a vengeance, and I’m not even going to go into the number of times I’ve wished I was someone else.

But the important thing is, I’m learning to accept these days. You can’t be human and not feel this kind of thing sometimes. You just can’t. And maybe that’s what’s so great about a new year: with it, comes a new start, and so maybe to some extent I can rewrite my life. Or if not rewrite, at least edit out sections of me that I’m not happy with, and add in chapters I like, and can be proud of. Life is a work in progress, and I guess I just have to accept that I’m not done yet, so of course I’m not perfect. Indeed, I may never be completed to the standards I want and I will probably never be able to call myself “finished” (who can?) but that doesn’t mean I should stop trying to make improvements. And neither should you. This year, I’m going to try to be kinder. To think more of others. To be less self-absorbed, and recognise that I’m not the only one with problems. I’m going to try and be kinder to myself as well. To be more positive about my qualities, and focus less on my shortcomings, and the ways I’m not good enough. I’m going to make an effort to be happy, and to make people around me happy too.

So think about your year. What have you realised about yourself that you are proud of? And what do you want to work on? We all have some of each, and that’s okay. I promise. Let’s take the opportunity of the new year to improve on the last one, even if it’s just in one tiny little way. I challenge you to make those changes. You’ll end up happier.

We are all a work in progress, so what are you going to work on in 2016?

I hope you enjoyed this post, and it has inspired you to reflect on your past year, and think about what changes you’d like to make. If you’re happy to share them (I can see that they might be too personal), I’d love to read your reflections below, and what you’ve decided to work on in the new year, so please do comment.

Lots of love, as always,

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Back To School Resolutions: September 2015

Hello my lovelies,

Well that went quickly. Unnervingly quickly. I thought I had at least a week left of holiday, turns out I’m back at school tomorrow… WHAT?!? Strangely though, I don’t actually mind too much. In fact this year I’m really excited to go back to school, which sounds completely ludicrous, and is something I never thought I’d say. But yes, Year 10 seems pretty inviting, what with dropping a load of the subjects that drive me mad, and getting more of the ones I love! Also, come on, who doesn’t love getting their new timetable? I defy you to say you don’t.

Anyway, to celebrate the imminent return of school, here are my statutory Back To School Resolutions. I make them every year, I break them every year, but this year you guys are going to hear them.

1. Get my homework done the day I get it. This one will last an estimated 3 days, if I’m lucky, but it is still one that has to be made. Procrastination is one of my worst faults, and now that school’s starting to get a bit more serious, with my GCSE’s and all, I feel like it’s something I really need to sort out. I fear it’s not going to happen, though, and as soon as I get any work that requires more than an iota of effort and time put into it, I know I’ll put it off, I’m just like that. But I can (and will) try!
2. Keep my bag empty of all shit. Is it just me who finds that they’ll start the year with an organised, light bag, and a month in will realise it’s doubled in weight due to the sheer volume of unnecessary shit swimming around in the bottom? Because it seems like for some reason once school has started I lose the ability to throw things away. By Christmas, I can guarantee that my bag will contain a minimum of 3 trees worth of old worksheets I don’t need, enough astro sand to create my own private beach (albeit not a very comfortable one), and a vast collection of cough sweets, hair bobbles, tissues, lip balms, bobby pins (which I can’t even use!) and probably a pair of socks that were meant to be being washed. It’s shocking. And it’s stopping. (BOOM, did you see the way I rhymed/nearly rhymed? Masterful.)
3. Make all of my exercise books REALLY neat. Yes, okay, I’m a perfectionist/neat freak. There is literally nothing more pleasing than a gorgeously set out, organised, looked after exercise book, with all the titles and dates and underlinings and everything stuck in. Last year I failed pretty dismally on this front, as I just started slacking on the sticking in front, and my books ended up looking horrific, and driving me crazy. It also just makes everything so easy to find for revision, when you’ve made loads of organised notes, and kept the handouts etc.
4. Stay positive. This is a pretty important one for me. I have the tendency to get depressed by school, and feel stressed out and negative, which is rubbish! It makes up such a big part of my life, that I think it will make a big difference if I start being more positive about it. I always seem to start complaining, finding lessons boring, and just generally spending the day waiting for 3:00, but I think that’s a really unproductive mindset, so this year I’m going to make a concerted effort to stay interested, engaged, and positive.
5. Leave in time! Literally I am SO bad at getting myself up and out in the mornings. I live really close to school (15 minutes walk) but I always find myself leaving late and then having to run. It just gets my morning off to a stressful start EVERY time, which is ridiculous, because it would be so easy just to leave 5 minutes earlier. My warm bed is just so nice in the mornings…

So there are my resolutions for the next school year – they’re not particularly groundbreaking or unconventional, but they’re just things that I really want to achieve and change this year. Have any of you made resolutions for this year?

Lots of love,

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